I’m blogging because I need to write this down while it still swirls within me.
Some days are a lesson in reality, a brutal avalanche of awareness, a shattering of innocent idealism and a disappointment in humanity.
I have never been an optimist, yet I had always presumed that the face that someone showed to you, when you collaborated closely on matters was some semblance of their truth, a reality. I never looked to see if the smile reached someone’s eyes because I would never personally counterfeit bonhomie. Yet today I opened up and poured forth my reality to someone who had a real responsibility for my welfare. Some hours later I saw my concerns batted and played for an audience and I felt astonishment. A veil literally slipped from my eyes.
Perhaps I am too innocent in my approach to the world but I have always tried to be what I would expect of others. I hoped more than expected that karma would repay my good endeavours. I thought if you worked hard and honestly, put yourself and your honour in the line, then this would provide an invisible protection against the other side of social and business interactions. But this did not happen an I was left open, exposed, floating loose from my expectations and unable to find ground below my feet as I tread water.
I am more tired at the end of the day because of the assassination of human hope and expectation than I am by the betrayal itself.